The Universe has been so weird with me lately. It's been introducing me to new things, and also introducing me to new people. Last month I developed a huge crush on someone, a very sweet guy, who made me feel like a million bucks, but it just wasn't meant to be for us. Bad timing for both, although it has worked out for us to be friends at least. But you still sit back at night and wonder, "what if", you know? To this day, he occupies a soft and vulnerable spot in my heart and I think he knows it.

So yesterday the universe throws me a huge curve ball.
Where do I start with this? Well, to make a long story short, someone came back into my life. This guy and I have a history of fooling around together, but also being the best of friends. But I fell hard in love with him. It went beyond a simple crush. He is someone that I looked up to and I was convinced we were soulmates. But he was always looking beyond me, for something else, something I guess I couldn't give him. I spent alot of agonizing time trying to be whatever he was looking for, but still came up short. We were so alike, I thought for sure it was going to work, but never did.

So we have lunch yesterday, and it turns out we were on the same page all along and it was just crossed signals. But he's not available, really. Well, we both aren't really. I'm just not ready for that challenge again.

Why I'm being thrown all this confusion, I have no idea.

Ok, I've been waiting for this movie like, all my life- hello!

Current Mood: excited

Let's see. Planned to surf, but the wind was blowing everything out wave-wise, so getting up early didn't pan out like I thought. Took a friend way inland to Placentia and dropped him off. Made some more phone calls to see if anyone else was having luck with the surf. No.
So went shopping for ipod crap. Bought some great Bose headphones for my Chicago train trip.
Then met a really, really cool new friend named Mike for lunch. Trying to expand my circle of friends a bit more and so is he, so it worked out great. He's moved here from NY and it looks like we clicked, so he'll be fun to hang with.
Then worked out with Owen the trainer; legs-shoulders-arms. WORKED me. Then my friend Shawn was bored so we headed up to The Lab for Buffalo Exchange. I got an awesome new RVCA hoodie with some artwork on it that I want to use for my new tattoo. Had a really good time with Shawn, he's such a great guy- we've known each other a year now! More on that later.

So now I have an earache, maybe it's from the water? Hard to tell.
The sun sucked today, so I decided to not to try out Doheny. Plus the water is so dirty there anyway, it probably wouldn't have helped to be in that and then I got a trip to Chicago on Monday. Who wants to surf in poop anyway right?

So I downloaded Jack Johnson today and have been listening to that. There is a song I love from that Curious George movie (I know...gay. What.) called "Upside Down".

I actually shed some tears awhile back over this song. I was driving down to Salt Creek to check out the waves (and guys) cuz I couldn't get home because of some lame parade in town.


Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, dont patronize - dont patronize me

Cause I cant make you love me if you dont
You cant make your heart feel something it wont
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and Ill feel the power
But you wont, no you wont
cause I cant make you love me, if you dont

Ill close my eyes, then I wont see
The love you dont feel when youre holding me
Morning will come and Ill do whats right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
Chorus: cause I cant make you love me if you dont
You cant make your heart feel something it wont
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and Ill feel the power
But you wont, no you wont
cause I cant make you love me, if you dont

Current Mood: contemplative

Well, I started this thing, posted an entry, deleted it....so now I'm starting over again.

I'm not going to bother with any update on what's been going on with me over the last month or so. I'm just going to start with today and recent events.

So I met up last night with this really cool straight guy named Shawn. I hit him up about surfing a week or so back and he's just moved here from NY and really into it. We really hit it off well and talked for like 2 hours at Starbucks. It's so funny when you meet someone like that and just become instant friends. You just click for some reason.

I don't know...it seems like over the last year or so that's been happening to me alot. I make pretty fast friends anyway, but I've really been meeting and befriending some really cool people.

So I don't know if I'm going to get to surf before my trip to Chicago next week. I can't believe how cold it's gonna be there, what...am I crazy? But it's the only way to catch the train through the Rocky Mountains and it should be awesome scenery on the way back. It'll just be nice to get away and not have to worry about cooking or making the bed or driving anywhere.

I've really been stoked, because it seems like every day someone has mentioned something about my recent growth spurt from the gym. I've really been hitting the gym hard and it does show. My stomach and arms are probably the best they've been in years, so I'm really happy.

I bought a massage table, so I'm going to start heading towards that as a side thing. Legit only, no funny business. I give a good massage so why not. Hopefully I'll get some back in trade- that would be nice. I just have to make sure I don't get any freaks or stalkers, haha.

Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: Band of Horses "Ghost In My House"